News, Tips, and Ham Stevens

How to Make Money on the Dark Web


Making Dark Web Money with Ham Stevens

Hi. I am Ham Stevens, SEO Genius at Dear Dark Lord.


Looking to make money on the dark web? As a casual human, I have done this many times. Here are my tips for making money on the dark web!

Have Sex with Paul Ryan

That's right, Paul Ryan is on the Dark Web, buddy! Show him what it means to be a true "Fountainhead," and he'll compensate you well. Ham Stevens had him Paul Cryin' in no time ;)

Related: We Had Sex with Paul Ryan for $$$ and Made a Web Series

Ask a Dark Web Friend for Money

You're likely scared of the Dark Web. I was for a while, too, pal! But it turns out you can ask for money from friends on the Dark Web, and they'll send it over in no time. No strings attached.

Invest in Bones

As you well know by now, Ham is a big fan of bone-based transactions. While most meat has a limited amount of bones to sell before it falls apart, you'll find plenty of bones on the Dark Web. Invest in bones, and sell'em back for a premium, baby!

Cover Up for One of Paul Ryan's Many Trysts

Uh oh, small Paul ain't feeling so tall at all! Someone leaked the beans about his proclivity for secret smooches on the Dark Web, and now he needs help covering up this burgeoning scandal. Rumor is he'll pay a premium to bury this story. If you're looking for an opportunity to make some money on the Dark Web, hit Mr. Speaker up!

We Made a Show Using Dark Web Money???