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Difference Between a Dark Lord and The Dark Lord

No Sad Lords.jpg

Many people have sent in questions asking us what's the difference between a Dark Lord and The Dark Lord — besides the article discrepancy. And, honestly, we're offended by the question. Let's break it down.

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Origin Story

A Dark Lord

A Dark Lord is a true coward who harbors grudges against his parents for some reason, even though all they did was send him to space wizard academy to train with his famous uncle.

The Dark Lord

The Dark Lord has no origin story, for The Dark Lord is an abstraction from our minuscule point of view. The Dark Lord neither begins nor ends. Has no form in our realm yet is not void. Exists in every moment and no moments. Yea, The Dark Lord is a real wicked hardass through and through.

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Goals

A Dark Lord

A Dark Lord has nebulous goals like "Be evil" or "Hate my dad" or "Kill my dad." Basically whiny My Chemical Romance bullshit. Yet, somehow, a Dark Lord finds himself ruling an evil cosmic empire.

The Dark Lord

"Goals" implies The Dark Lord has intention, or at least intention we can understand. We are like so many ants in the indifferent gaze of the Dark Lord, who only acknowledges us when He wishes to grind us between His horrid mandibles. 

Powers

A Dark Lord

A Dark Lord manipulates matter to kill his boss and uses a red beam sword to murder his father. He's also got the power of being oddly wide. Other than that, he's basically a soundcloud rapper who loved his grandpa more than anyone should. 

The Dark Lord

The Dark Lord only enters this plane when He sees fit. When He does, His powers appear endless. Mental manipulation and telepathic speech. The ability to manifest on objects in our world like peering through a curtain. The cosmic strength to puppeteer human subjects to murderous ends for the joy of consuming souls.

They're Very Different, OK?

I hope now you can see that a Dark Lord is a real piece of shit baby ass weirdo who doesn't deserve even the most minor of associations with The Dark Lord. Damn baby ass weirdo.